acoolguy:

i hope no one ever tries to call me a “soft boy” because i’m not. i’m a hard boy and my penis never dies

theothersiiide:

like, once you’ve figured out you’re gay, each year you level up to a gayer version of yourself

montparnassee:

Soon it will be Autumn and Persephone can go back to pegging her husband in peace and I can wear a fucking jumper

nuka-rockit:

depression: hey no one truly loves you and nothing you do will ever matter

me, doing a test on what jelly bean I’d be while drinking stale pepsi out of a mug: at least im not fucking licorice flavor god could you imagine

unicornkin:

unicornkin:

unicornkin:

I’m gonna be completely honest, I actually had no idea Alexa was supposed to be a robot and I just assumed the joke was that someone had an assistant who followed them around and played the songs they wanted on command

She just had a phone and speakers and would just play Despacito bass boosted in an McDonald’s parking lot because you asked

Me, trips over a rock: Alexa this is so sad play—

Alexa my determined assistant: *holds up a speaker and blasts “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers at max volume*

itwashotwestayedinthewater:

itwashotwestayedinthewater:

iloveamelia:

washed my sheets but my bed still smells like garlic? guess thats just how it is now 

g

garlic bed

greelin:

greelin:

canonically just dumped soup all over the floor

AU where i’m not a goddamn idiot and didn’t do that

johnmulaneysgf:

the fact that im bisexual doesn’t make me “available to men” it just means if i CHOOSE to let a demon into my life, I can